Doh!
by Vicki595
Summary: He can't even watch "The Simpsons" anymore...


Doh!  
  
TITLE: "Doh!"  
  
AUTHOR: Vicki  
  
EMAIL: little_miss_likes_to_fight@hotmail.com  
  
CATEGORY: Humour  
  
SPOILERS: "Entity" and The Simpsons "Special Edna" (Episode 1407) RATING: PG-13  
  
CONTENT WARNINGS:  
  
PAIRING: Sam/Jack UST  
  
SUMMARY: He can't even watch "The Simpsons" anymore...  
  
STATUS: Complete  
  
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis yes, samandjack yes, Jackfic yes. All others ask first please DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. AUTHOR'S NOTES: I honestly don't know what happened here! I saw this Simpsons' episode when it showed on Sky 1 the other night, and it just wrote itself (once I had the time). Thanks to Charlie for betaing, and to Gemma for reading it through, even though I know she doesn't really like "The Simpsons" . .  
  
He didn't know why he said it. At the time, it was a comment similar to 'when hell froze over' (not going to happen any time soon considering they'd blown it up) or as his old British friend kept exclaiming 'when England won the World Cup.' (Jack had later found out that it was a reference to the soccer world cup, although Chris had laughingly pointed out that it could be any sport that had a world cup and England entered a team in). It had been a casual comment one evening, after a few drinks in front of "The Simpsons" when a very insistent (and drunk!) Janet Fraiser had asked him when he was going to tell Sam that he loved her.  
  
The Simpsons' marathon that he, Janet and Daniel had just indulged in was still on his mind and he announced that he would when Principle Skinner and Mrs Krabapple actually got somewhere with *their* relationship.  
  
Jack rued the day when Daniel, flicking through the pages of a TV guide before a briefing, pointed out that Fox was showing a Simpsons' marathon the following Sunday, celebrating the start of the new season the Sunday after. He didn't know what made him declare that Daniel could come over and watch him with him and the Doc - the person who had introduced him to the cartoon family in the first place way back when it first began. Teal'c didn't understand them, and Sam just didn't like the show (although for some bizarre reason, she did like Futurama) so it was just going to be the three of them, beer, chips and the TV.  
  
He knew he should never let Janet drink. She and Daniel had shared a cab to Jack's house because neither of them wanted to be the designated driver. When Teal'c was around, there was no problem, but without him a cab was the most logical choice. But he should not have let Janet drink. Although he could have sworn that she used to be able to hold more than that when he had first met her... However, that wasn't the point. All Jack knew was that Janet got drunk, and decided that she was going to give her views on life, the universe and everything - including his relationship (or lack thereof) with Sam. She had been insisting that he should just tell her how he felt, then everything would be happy (and, if he managed to understand what she said after that through Daniel's hand before she bit it, then she would be $50 better off. Jack really didn't want to know that people were betting on him and Sam. Him and Daniel betting on her was fine, but that was another story altogether.)  
  
So, having packed them off safely in a cab, with clear instructions as to where they were to go, Jack had tried to put the conversation out of his mind and gone to bed. Janet had surely been so drunk that she wouldn't remember what she had said, and Daniel hadn't been much better off. Hell, he'd almost manage to forget about it by the time he reported back for work the following Tuesday.  
  
Things had been normal for the next few weeks. SG-1 gated to planet after planet, came back and got jabbed by needle after needle. Then after one particularly long mission, while administering his post-mission check- up, Janet had innocently suggested that he and Daniel came over to her house that night to watch "The Simpsons" together. She had been planning to go to the movies with Sam, but those plans had fallen through when Sam had returned though the Stargate with a concussion. Jack agreed, warning her that he wasn't going to let her drink as much as last time they got together. Janet assured him that wasn't going to be a problem, as she was on duty first thing Monday. So, with her not drinking, he was sure nothing could go wrong.  
  
How ironic.  
  
It wasn't until the second episode until Jack began to realise that something was up. Janet kept looking at him, and smirking in that way that usually meant pain for him - normally from her with a large needle. Having been off world for most of the week, he hadn't had a chance to read any spoilers, or even just the summary in the television guide. So far, it had just been a fairly typical episode, with Bart nominating Mrs Krabapple for some Teacher of the Year Award or something like that. She and The Simpson family ended up going to EPCOT (which had promoted Daniel to come up with the bright idea of going on an expedition there. Because Teal'c and Cassie wanted to see Disney World. Knowing just what the archaeologist had in his spare bedroom, Jack wasn't buying it. But Daniel was welcome to take Teal'c, and Cassie and Janet to Disney World, or Disney Land if he so wished. And Janet he could leave there.)  
  
It was when Principle Skinner was faced with the fact that he might lose Mrs Krabapple that Jack started to get worried. As well as the sly looks Janet was giving him, he had a gut feeling that something very, very bad was going to happen. (And Jack had long ago learnt to trust his gut feeling. If only they'd blown up that God-damn Entity... but that was another story altogether)  
  
So when Skinner actually got down on one knee and proposed, Jack did the most sensible thing he could think of: stand up and bang his head against the door, slowly and repeatedly. Janet of course, was in absolute hysterics on the floor. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her laughing like that, although there had been this one time... no, Jack wasn't going to go there either. Daniel had been sitting there with a huge grin on his face, before pointing and imitating Nelson's laugh perfectly  
  
As for Jack, he decided that there was only one cartoon catch phrase that he could use to sum everything up at that point.  
  
Doh! 


End file.
